Scene – A lefty dude is addressing his local Labour Party committee.
Hello, I have come here today to talk about my new identity as a black man. It has been very difficult to ‘come out’ and I hope you will all respect my life choice .
What do you mean you identify as black? We can quite clearly see you’re white ; so you want us to pretend?
I may look white outwardly, but once I’ve raised enough from my Patreon I will book in for sunbed sessions and a proper perm. This Rastacap will have to do for now.
Man, do you know how offensive this is? You can’t ‘black up’ – it’s incredibly racist.
Are you denying my right to identify as I choose? As I feel deep down? I am going to lead the Black Lives Matter march next year.
You can’t just identify as black. That’s not how these things work. Black people have been oppressed forever, not because of an inner identity, but because white people have used racial stereotypes to portray them as a lesser being. You can’t possibly stand up at a BLM rally and talk to black people about your experiences as a POC! You’d have to be an utter narcissist to even consider it.
People were openly mocking me when I wore an afro wig down the pub. I am MORE oppressed than any black person could ever know.
But the oppressor can’t become the oppressed . And you can’t force people to play along with your delusions. That’s madness.
You are a bigot.
You are a racist.
How can I be a racist when I am literally black?
But you’re white. I am looking at you with my actual eyes and you are white. How can you possibly know what it’s like to suffer a lifetime of racism?
I know better because I have had to work for my blackness.
What the hell are you talking about? You have put on an offensive, stereotypical costume and you think this makes you black?
I feel like a black man. I have a black brain.
Are you fucking kidding me? A BLACK BRAIN!? This is white supremacist shit. Human brains are not divided by colour. That’s not how biology works.
Hold on. When Derek turned up wearing a dress and demanded to be called a woman, you all supported him.
USE THE CORRECT PRONOUNS YOU DEADNAMING TERF.
Why is that different? Why is it okay to say that women are just a costume, but not POC?
Don’t be ridiculous, of course it’s different.
Because they’re only women and it’s about time someone slapped those uppity bitches down. Who cares what they think? Get them back in the kitchen and let the men show them how to be proper women.
Fair enough. Now where are those forms for me to apply to be a BAME representative?